Hi there.

With the DIY (mostly) finished, it’s time to get back on track with a review of some sort.

How about some thoughts on a mid-00s golf game, featuring Tiger Woods?

No? Well, it’s all we’ve got for now, I’m afraid.

So here comes a review of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 anyway, whether you like it or not.

Moments in Gaming is where we look back on gaming experiences that have left a particularly strong impression on us over the years: mainly for good reasons, but sometimes for bad ones.

Boss battles aren’t the strongest part of Blur, Bizarre’s brilliant combat racer. Not only are too many of these ‘expert’ opponents easily dispatched, their characterisation is thin, going little beyond a video introduction, and meaning it’s hard to care that much about besting any of them.

‘What if there were two?’ That’s one way to try and escalate the sense of jeopardy.

And ‘what if they were Asian twin ladies?’ is a way of eliciting a bit of a sigh. Could they distract you by being sexy? Be careful, fellas, these girls are as fast as they are beautiful! (2011’s Need for Speed: The Run did something similar, and possibly even worse).

All of this is a prelude to one of the game’s more memorable moments, a rock-hard canyon race during which you either have to take out both opponents – Ayumi and Harumi – with weapons, or beat them to the finish line.

Barring a stroke of good fortune, the latter is near impossible. While all three of you are driving the same car, a Nissan Skyline, Blur cheats in the way that arguably all good arcade racers do, by making them just a little bit faster and better than you, keeping them one step ahead at all times.

Whether you’ll quite feel that way, after repeated unsuccessful attempts, is another matter. This game is stupid, it’s broken, it’s unfair… but let’s have another go anyway. The further downhill you get, the faster they go, and the promise of success during early skirmishes fades as their rear lights recede into the far distance.

There are no nitro pickups, either, to give yourself a late boost and somehow pull off a last-minute overtaking manoeuvre. Tweak that racing line all you like, they’ll still drive better than you.

The answer lies in Blur's second string: combat. To win, you’ll probably have to wreck both your rivals in double-quick time.

Again, you’re hamstrung by the limited arsenal on offer: no guided Shunts, no Shocks to fire in front of the leaders, and no silver bullet that will give you a little push towards victory when you need it most.

All you have are Mines and Bolts, which require pinpoint accuracy, or a Barge, if you happen to get close enough. Meanwhile your opponents have access to repairs and shields, meaning they can avoid damage and go from the brink of death to full health in an instant.

A solid strategy, then, is hyper aggression, using the skills honed in Blur's combat races, where it’s a matter of perfecting the firing of Bolts at drones against the clock. The ‘extra Bolt’ power up, giving you four shots per pickup rather than three, and earned during an earlier boss battle, is also a must.

Then, during the early stages, when your opportunities to get close are maximised, take every chance you get to hammer those Skylines with weapons.

After some near misses – maybe eliminating one opponent but not the other, or even getting nobbled yourself – success should follow. (As should the traditionally extravagant celebrations, accompanied by foul language, that do you very little credit).

Whether it should appear slap bang in the middle of the career mode might suggest it’s there by accident rather than design, but in a game generally marked by moderate difficulty and steady progress stalled only by the player’s sense of perfectionism, it’s good to have at least one ‘fuck you, I win!’ moment.

In Fallout 3, you can roam the post apocalyptic ruins of Washington DC alone, if you prefer. However, there are companions available, to help you fight the many enemies that you will encounter. Examples include a hard-bitten mercenary, an old war robot or the leader of a gang your character knew from their childhood. There’s also the loyal and endearing dog called, erm, Dogmeat.

Another is Fawkes, and he will be one of the best friends you ever find out here (ok doggo, you too). He’s a super-mutant, a race of massive, imposing yellow humanoids. They were originally created in a horrific process where ordinary people were exposed to an artificially created virus. Their strength and resilience are enormously enhanced, radiation doesn’t touch them (useful in in a world where the effects of nuclear war still linger), and it appears they cam be extremely long lived. However, they possess only limited intellect and their capacity for speech is reduced to simple sentences.

Extremely violent and aggressive, they band together in small tribes ruled by whoever is biggest and strongest. They arm themselves with looted weaponry, with the upper echelons of their primitive society getting the better gear. A dire threat to the people of the Capital Wasteland, they take unfortunate human captives whom they will either eat, or turn into new mutants. Even the efforts of the Brotherhood of Steel – armed with their hi-tech weaponry and armour, struggle to hold the super-mutants in check.

The mutation process however worked a bit differently on Fawkes – he has all the bulk and strength of his kind, but his mind came out unscathed. In fact he’s a clever and articulate guy. This caused the other Supermutants to mistrust him, and so long ago they locked him up in one of the Vaults beneath the surface of the wasteland. While there he found a computer terminal, connected to the vault mainframe. As the vaults were originally intended to preserve human civilisation through the nuclear wars, their databases contained a huge amount of knowledge on topics like science, art and literature. By spending his time reading and learning, Fawkes kept himself sane during over a century of captivity.

In fact, his name is taken from that guy from 16th century England – he admires someone he saw as fighting and dying for what they believed in. Seems like he could be a force for good out there, one that’s sorely needed amidst the hardships and violence, if only someone would let him out of the vault.

That’s where you come in. In that same vault is a piece of equipment you need for the main quest but unfortunately it’s locked in a chamber bathes in lethal radiation. Looks like each of you is in a position to help the other. So you need to fight your way through whole bunch of super-mutants to find the key to his cell, so he can go fetch the item you’re after. Afterwards he’ll make a decision based on your “karma” rating, basically the sum total of good and evil things you’ve done so far in the game. If you’re a bad guy, he figure you only freed him out of necessity and leave you to your adventures. If you’re a heroic sort, though, he’ll offer to join you permanently.

So then, as you wander the wasteland he will amble along next to you, an ever present thud of massive boots. Occasionally he’ll offer comments such as gratitude that people don’t attack him in towns, knowing how they must fear him. Or he’ll dispense Zen-like bits of wisdom like “Be aware of the present moment”. All pretty chill so far.

When it comes to combat, though, he’s an absolute powerhouse. For a start he’s toting a huge Gatling laser, one of the most powerful guns in the game. Also though, he’s ridiculously durable. Most companions have around three, four hundred hitpoints at max level, he gets… fifteen thousand. (so does the doggo incidentally). I’ve no idea that was Bethesda’s intent or a bug but if the latter, it never got patched away. Anyway, for all intents and purposes he’s indestructible.

He’s also more than enthusiastic for a rumble. He may have self control and human reasoning, but he’ll gladly set those aside and unleash his rage when you’re threatened. In fact, he may be just a bit more keen than you might be ready for, especially if you’re a cautious stealth-based player like myself.

So let’s look at a typical encounter in the Wastelands, with Fawkes at your side. You spot movement in the distance – Enclave soldiers perhaps with advanced powerf armour and plasma weaponry. You go into sneak mode, and move into a position where you can easily retreat or take cover. Your draw a weapon that’s accurate at long range, carefully line up a shot, and-

YEEEEEAAARRRRRGGG

Fawkes barrels past you, unslings his laser obliterates every hostile in sight in about 20 seconds,

HAHAHA, I WIN AGAIN!!

Then you can sheepishly catch up and loot the smoking bodies he left behind.

Or how about the more potent enemies introduced in the expansions?  Like the highest tier of his super mutant brethren, the monstrous overlords. Or maybe the giant albino radscorpions. They can cause you a whole load of grief; not only do they inflict horrendous damage but they are incredibly durable, soaking up huge quantities of firepower. Fighting these deadly foes requires some preparation, tactical thinking and-

YEEEEEAAARRRRRGGG

They can sting him, throw radioactive sludge, hit him with oversized sledgehammers, shoot him with lasers. Fawkes could not give less of a shit. It’ll take him longer this time, but they still end up dead and he has 95% of his hitpoints left. You may as well join in and shoot the monster in the flanks a bit, just so you can say you contributed something.

Fawkes is so overpowered, you can basically spend every fight hiding behind a rock and letting him do all the work. Recruiting him feels almost like a cheat mode. Still, he’s always enormously entertaining and with his unique mix of mindfulness and raw brutality, he’s one of the game’s most memorable characters.

Hi all. As mentioned a while back, we’ve been tinkering with the layout of some of the pages here. I don’t want to raise anyone’s expectations too high – yep, you’re still looking at a rather basic wordpress layout. However we hope that your experience reading this site will be improved just a little.

First up screenshots in revews have been enlarged. You can still click for an even bigger version but now you have a better idea what the game looks like without having to break out of the review.

Also the review menus now contain a brief description of the game along with a screenshot. I was a bit worried that, if people were just presented with a list of titles, some of the more obscure items might be overlooked.

There have been a few other bits of tidying up but those are the most important items. If anyone has comments or suggestions go ahead and let me know. I mean, given the pace I work at, it’ll take me three years to implement any new ideas, but I promise to at least think about it and say “hmmm maybe”.

In a move not entirely in keeping with the minimal public profile cultivated and maintained by this website over the course of the last twenty years, eschewing all media interest in favour of focusing all our energies on keeping our seven readers happy, we recently received – and accepted – a very kind invitation to a swanky London event in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the launch of PC Zone magazine.

With Stoo meeting with investors and shareholders in the States, it was left to myself and Jo to represent Team FFG, and we departed with strict (self-issued) instructions not to do anything to disgrace ourselves or the brand by, for example, consuming too much alcohol and accosting total strangers enjoying their work reunion in order to tell them that we recognised them on the basis of old ‘Meet the Team’ pictures and really enjoyed their review of some long-forgotten game many years ago. (Okay, maybe we did a little bit of that…)

Despite some truly awful weather that left us regretting our decision not to risk losing cool points by wearing geeky waterproof coats (we lost them anyway by arriving in a dripping, rain-sodden state) it appeared to be a successful and well-attended event, with recognisable faces from across the various generations of Zone all making an appearance.

Everyone that we spoke to was very friendly and accommodating of us two non-Zone interlopers, but in particular we’d like to take the opportunity to thank Jamie Sefton, who made us feel very welcome (and let us keep a poster as a souvenir) and Richie Shoemaker, who extended the invitation in the first place and made some time to talk on what must have been a very busy evening for him.

As regular readers will know, the FFG editorial board prohibits the posting of photographs featuring any of the site’s writers, so we must unfortunately disappoint anyone expecting to see pictures of us meeting Charlie Brooker (who we definitely did speak to, rather than just stand slightly awkwardly nearby for a while – and don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise).

However, Richie has posted a few snaps on the PC Zone Lives Substack (the new home of the podcast, which is back after a bit of a hiatus with a couple of cracking episodes – including a wonderful chat with Vici MacDonald, who talked about her time working on PC Zone as a designer, and also about her late brother Duncan, aka Mr Cursor – as well as a new, semi-regular newsletter).

Thanks again to Richie, Jamie, and all involved in organising the event.

(Also: [*pantomime barracking voice*] fuck PC Gamer!)

Hi all, we’re currently making some improvements to the site, particularly the menu and review pages. Until then some pages might look messy with broken formatting. Should be finished within a week.

(Narrator: they were not finished within a week).

(ok I’m back from vacation now, will resume work asap).

Beyond the Cardboard Box is a series which follows up an earlier effort looking at games packaging and budget ranges in the 90s and 00s. The aim here is to cover anything of interest that might not have cropped up previously, and offer a few stray observations about the steady decline of the physical boxed game that we once knew and loved.

The charity shop hunt for hidden gems normally throws up a few familiar candidates: dusty favourites from the Sold Out or Xplosiv ranges, or perhaps an old copy of FIFA for the Xbox 360. Other boxed delights, especially for PC, are rarer, but usually worth a punt, especially for a couple of quid.

Part of the risk is that you might end up with, for example, a box for Command and Conquer: The First Decade containing a bonus DVD but not the actual game. Unless you’re the kind of person who wants to try and get a refund on a charity shop purchase, you’re kind of stuck. Do you put it on the shelf anyway, as if you actually owned the game? Keep it in some kind of second-tier collection, in storage somewhere? List it on eBay (with plenty of ***ASTERISKS*** making it clear that the game disc is missing) in the hope that someone might want it? Or do you just chuck it in the bin?

Scratched or missing discs notwithstanding, that old Xbox copy of FIFA should work when you get it home, as long as you’re in possession of a working 360. However, with PC gaming in the late 00s subject to the vagaries of copy protection, digital rights management, and defunct online platforms, that well-kept and complete looking game might as well be an empty box too.

Sitting in a box next to Command & Conquer are DVD cases housing discs for Borderlands 2 and the 2012 incarnation of XCOM: Enemy Unknown. However, both are entirely useless, as installation requires digital activation via Steam, an exercise clearly already undertaken by the original owners.

What to do with them now? For a time, the slightly obsessive-compulsive part of my brain reasoned that digital copies must be purchased for the sake of completeness, compounding the error of buying – effectively – empty boxes for games that I wouldn’t even normally have played (I’ve not really sampled much of the first Borderlands, and would doubtless be terrible at XCOM) by paying for them a second time. So far, at least, I’ve resisted.

Games for Windows Live is another culprit that potentially hobbles not-so-old boxed PC games. I once bought a new copy of Batman: Arkham Asylum, but only the revelation that the disc version would soon stop working stirred me into an attempt to install it, as I tried (unsuccessfully) to verify rumours that entering the serial code into Steam would reward me with a working digital copy. Meanwhile, I have no idea whether the two copies of Fallout 3 that I own (remarkably, bought in the same day, as I saw the GOTY edition in another shop mere minutes after snapping up the ‘vanilla’ release) will work. (The internet suggests they might not only be borked by GFWL, but also be unhappy with modern Windows.)

Modern console gamers will be familiar with the phenomenon of buying a boxed game containing a disc, only for installation to immediately prompt the download of a more updated version from the big mothership. However, on the PC, I find it hard to get my head around a box arriving with 2 x DVDs worth of new-ish Need for Speed game inside, only for me to be able to install it via the EA App with no call to even touch the discs. (Weirder still, I bought it from ubiquitous purveyors of grimy second-hand copies, CeX, which must mean that whoever sold or traded in the game must not have used it at all. Was it an unwanted gift? Had it fallen off the back of a lorry?)

Other head scratchers include the arrival by post of a new copy of Don Bradman Cricket 14, which contained one disc, no instructions, and two boxes: one with the usual blurb printed on the back, and another ‘steelbook’ special edition box, kind of like a metal pencil case from the 80s. Given that the game was, again, activated on Steam, even one mostly empty box seems a bit superfluous, but I have two.

Perhaps an ongoing attachment to physical copies, and the idea of physical copies, is a bit misguided in this day and age. The sense that being in possession of a box and a disc that you can take out and put into your computer is somehow a more meaningful representation of ‘ownership’ than just clicking a download link is giving way to the view that the production of boxes, discs and manuals is actually more wasteful than a digital download, which can always be updated with patches and mods as needed.

Still, I think there’s a distinction to be drawn between being able to open up a box and install a game before establishing whether any tweaks or further modifications are needed and this strange 2010s wasteland of cases and discs that are immediately rendered redundant upon installation. It’s a process of trying to sell you the idea of buying a physical copy, when really you’re buying a digital one.

For now, I guess I’ll keep my collection of these oddities, if only because it’s hard to imagine what else to do with them: sending them to landfill just feels wrong.

Hi there.

We’re making a rare venture into the strategy section for today’s review, as we take a trip to Arrakis to mine spice and defeat the Harkonnen, in Cryo’s Dune.

Hi there and welcome along to Discussion: [indie game] (spoilers!), a series that I’m rapidly running out of different ways to describe.

Today’s game is Orwell (also sometimes known as Orwell: Keeping an Eye on You, perhaps to distinguish it from its sequel), a game by Osmotic Studies and released in 2016.

Your task is to snoop on and investigate citizens on behalf of an authoritarian government, all in the name of safety and security, by making use of a top-secret system known as Orwell. Your first day sees you dealing with the aftermath of a terrorist bombing and an urgent need to track down the perpetrators.

Guided by your supervisor, Symes, the game involves trawling the internet and social media for clues, listening in on private conversations, and gaining remote access to suspects’ computers, uploading anything you think may be relevant in order to progress your case. Here’s a trailer:

As usual, that’s about all we want to give away at this point, other than that Orwell is broadly enjoyable and a single playthrough clocks in at around 5 hours (although there are multiple endings so you may want to have more than a single crack at it).

Otherwise, proceed to the discussion below only if you’ve played the game already, or don’t mind major spoilers.

***FINAL SPOILER WARNING!***

 
Discussion: Orwell (spoilers!) continued »

Hi all, hope you are well. I’m back with another review, this time just a quick look at another 90s shareware platform game, Hocus Pocus.