I’ve been playing games for about 25 years now. Over that time I’ve been into hundreds of computer games shops and bought who-knows-how-many games. Although I don’t have a current-gen console and hardly rush out of the door to buy new releases, I keep reasonably in touch with what’s going on (on top of the many years of accumulated useless retro-knowledge to fall back on) through the web and by gawping at the back of boxes in games shops.

So, then, why am I completely incapable of making even five seconds’ worth of small-talk with any of the customer-facing staff in these places? Awkward verbal exchanges have become such a common part of my experience when buying games that I’ve developed an anxious desire for the transaction to take place in total silence, bar an acknowledgment of the total to pay and a ‘thank you’ when it’s all done.

Whether this comes across, or not, I don’t know, but I almost feel like I’m about to rob the place; that the first utterance from the sales assistant’s mouth that doesn’t meet the criteria specified above will prompt me to bellow “PUT THE GAMES IN THE BAG. NOW! QUICKLY! DO IT! DOOOO ITTTT!” into their face while brandishing the nearest available blunt object in a vaguely threatening manner.

I’m perfectly content to lay most of the blame at my own door here – I’m not the best at idle chit-chat at the best of times – but I do feel that the nature of some retailers’ attempts to engage the customer can only result in a stilted and embarrassing conversation that would have been better best avoided. Take this recent example:

GAME Man: So, er, buying a few games today then, buddy?
Me: Yep.
GAME Man: Cool, cool.
Me: …
GAME Man: Oh, wow, that’s our last copy of Gran Turismo! He-heh.
Me: Oh, right.
GAME Man: Okay dude, with the PC games there, I do have to just make sure you’ve double-checked the specs on the back to make sure it’ll work on your computer?
Me: [Nodding]
GAME Man: Cool, bro. Hey, wow, you’ve saved a bit of money on those games! Er, that’ll be £19.99 then, please.
Me: [Hands over money]
GAME Man: Take care, buddy!
Me: [Avoiding all eye contact, mumbling] Thanks.

Now, that’s not a lot to work with. I mean, sometimes, after an awkward conversation, or an argument, you immediately think of a hundred things that you could have said that would have been infinitely preferable to what you actually did say. Here, though, barring a mild improvement in my body language and a slightly more cheery goodbye, I honestly can’t see how that could have gone any better.

At other times, I’ve been slightly more culpable. I once purchased a couple of CSI games, which were shoved into a bag without so much as a glance by a sullen teenage girl who then announced flatly, and with no visible enthusiasm, “they’re good, them.” Instead of just politely nodding, and feeling a combination of unease at what seemed like a blatant lie and a level of defensiveness at buying a couple of fairly mediocre games based on a TV show in the first place, I decided to challenge her: “Are they? I heard they got better once Telltale took over the franchise, but I’m not expecting much from them.” Without blinking, she replied, “Nah, they’re good, all good, got ’em all. Completed ’em all.” Clearly, anything further from me was only going to lead us even further down a conversational cul-de-sac, so I paid and made an uncomfortable exit. (What was I trying to achieve with this? Did I expect to interrogate her further and, at best, expose a harmless lie and at worst, reveal that she was actually telling the truth and was being berated for simply offering her thoughts on my purchase? I don’t honestly know.)

Incidentally, I have absolutely nothing against shop assistants (especially not those working for a chain that’s not doing so well – and believe me, I don’t want games shops to disappear from the high street) who are only trying to do their job. But the whole ‘commenting on your purchase’ thing doesn’t really happen elsewhere, such as a supermarket (“Diet Coke, today, sir? Excellent choice! And 30p off as well. We do just want to check, though, that you’ve read up on the potentially dangerous side-effects of artificial sweeteners”) – mainly because it’s not necessary: you’re at the till, wallet in hand having already made your decision to buy something.

Even so, there’s a part of me that’s disappointed that I can’t come up with anything good to say, because I like and know about games, and should therefore be fairly comfortable having a brief conversation about something that interests me. I guess both myself, and the shops, are stuck in the mindset that playing games is still a niche hobby, rather than an increasingly popular way for people to pass their time. I can’t, for example, remember ever having a conversation at the till about a DVD or CD that I’ve bought. People watch films, people buy music – it’s normal, and they don’t have to be connoisseurs of either to do so. Games aren’t quite there yet; we seem curiously attached to the odious ‘gamer’ label (and equally unappetising sub-groups, the ‘hardcore’ and the ‘casual’).

Anyway, I’m not really trying to make a serious point here; my main consideration when going into a shop is ‘do they have what I want at a price I’m willing to pay’ and everything else is largely immaterial. Hell, I even go into Computer Exchange on Tottenham Court Road during my lunch hour, which is the kind of experience that makes one pine for a forced verbal exchange with an over-friendly shop assistant. If there is a central argument here it is, mainly, that I’d really rather not talk to anyone, ever.

I’ll leave you with one final example, which is by far the worst (or best, depending on your perspective). I bought Test Drive Unlimited in Zavvi and the shop assistant, a pretty young girl with an Eastern European accent, examined the box and commented, with a smile, “This looks like a fun game, driving around in fast cars in the bright sunshine, with lots of beautiful scenery and women everywhere,” in a manner that suggested reasonably genuine gratitude for my custom but also utter bemusement that the product I was buying actually existed and that people gleaned enjoyment from it. With no obvious response presenting itself, I’m afraid to say that I simply flushed red and felt more embarrassed than if I had been buying a selection of pornography, a diarrhoea remedy and some haemorrhoid cream.

One of my many Steam sale purchases this Christmas was a game called Blur. It’s a racing game from developer Bizarre Creations (of Project Gotham Racing and, a long time ago, Formula 1 fame) which received a level of critical acclaim, but failed to sell as well as they, or indeed publisher Activision, would have liked (long story short: Bizarre is no more).

It’s a shame, because it’s actually really bloody good. Essentially Mario Kart with real cars, you take your pick from a selection of licensed vehicles, do a few laps and try to stay in the lead through a combination of driving skill and the skilful deployment of weaponry.

Hi there.

I hope you’re well. You look well. Have you lost weight? No, well, if anything I’ve put some on.

Our review for today is Spider-Man: The Movie

So Gog promised “One of our most requested classic games is coming to @GOGcom on the 19th. Hint: its name starts with S.”

Which immediately had me thinking SYSTEM SHOCK SYSTEM SHOCK SYSTEM SHO-

oh wait, it’s Syndicate. That’s a classic too! But they’ve managed to set the good news up in the just about the only way it could be end up being slightly disappointing!

(and this isn’t just me, go look at the official GOG wishlist. Shock 2 is in the lead by 5k votes, and Shock1 is next. )

Hi!

Remember that double-update we failed to deliver last time? No? Well look at the news post below, then, dummy.

Anyway, here’s what we’d hoped to bring you – the long-promised, and much delayed, review of Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers.

Firaxis’ XCOM: Enemy Unknown announced

30-something PC (or former Amiga) gamers around the world are going to a special happy place in their heads, upon hearing this news. I for one fondly miss the days of my team of utter arseholes shooting each other in the back of the head and tripping over their own grenades whilst trying to flush a sectoid out of a farmer’s barn. But seriously, I have high hopes as UFO was one of the strategy classics of its day. Tense turn-based combat, the struggle to stem the tide of alien activity on a global scale, and the race to upgrade X-com from a bunch of hapless n00bs with rifles to something that can fight aliens on a more equal level.

(We do already have the UFO: Aftermath\Aftershock\Aftershave series, but I never really got into it. The first game kicked my ass halfway through and then the second one kept crashing on me. Also the action is realtime.)

Hello there! I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year, and whatever else you had planned. All the holiday fun is nearly over, but there’s just enough time for my traditional look back at the last year on FFG. And you thought you’d missed it. [More like, “hoped you weren’t doing it” – FFG Reader]

Actually, there’s been plenty of looking back already this year, with it being our 10 year anniversary and all. Alongside a little self-indulgent navel-gazing, we also had another look at some of the games we’ve covered over the years, in a discussion-review format, which was good fun. In case you missed them, the games in question were Stunts, Puma World Football ’98, Deus Ex and Broken Sword.

Originally we had one or two more, and a couple of other things, planned. But these things all take time, and in the end, we figured that time was better spent working on regular content for the site. Stoo selflessly flung himself into multiple RPGs on behalf of the site, and after several thousand hours (or however long they take to play) produced reviews of Dungeon Siege, Planescape: Torment (our 200th review), Gothic 2 and Titan Quest.

As for me, during the early part of the year I was afflicted by a debilitating addiction to CSI, which naturally led me to Dark Motives (a bit pooey) and 3 Dimensions of Murder (better, but no better than it needed to be). Even Stoo got in on the act, snapping up a copy of Miami for review (and wishing he hadn’t bothered).

Elsewhere, it was the usual story of abandoning planned content in favour of random stuff that just happened to distract me. So there’s still no Gabriel Knight, but we do now have reviews of Rally Trophy and Rugby Challenge 2006.

Guest content came in the form of Jo’s coverage of Theme Hospital and JMan’s review of Starship Troopers. Little did we know that the latter was a prelude to the return of the mighty Just Games Retro, which returned after a brief hiatus with a new look and, as ever, a rate of producing new content that puts the likes of us to shame. Still, apart from making us look bad, it’s great to have them back.

As for FFG, it’s difficult to say what 2012 will bring, but most likely it will be reviews of games at semi-regular intervals throughout the year. It’ll probably involve the usual mix of the very old and the not-quite-so-old: you may have noticed that we’ve started to cover the odd game from the middle of the previous decade, so expect that to continue. Apart from that, it’s best not to commit to specifics – unless of course, you have any requests…

Hi there!

One final review for 2011, here just under the wire. I’d hoped to make this a double-update, but unfortunately it just wasn’t possible to get it all done in time.

Anyway, here’s a review of Need for Speed: Most Wanted for you.

We’ll be back, with more, in the new year.

Crikey, is it that time of year again already? At least the festive season is usually quite a good time to get some gaming done. In my case it invariably involves ridiculously over-ambitious plans to finish several games and come up with a shedload of new content before the end of the year – plans which, of course, never come to fruition.

Still, it’s rare to have such an acceptable excuse to lock out the outside world and laze around doing whatever the hell you like. For us retro-bores, that usually involves picking through a bewildering collection of old game boxes and downloads and trying to decide how the time might best be spent, weighing up the balance between oldies for review and more recent titles that we want to play but haven’t got around to yet.

However much I might enjoy being a grumpy, out of date, fuddy-duddy, though (and I do – very much) I do miss the excitement of getting a brand new game or two at Christmas. As a teenager I would usually ask for the latest FIFA and Need for Speed (or whatever other new racing game was out) and whet my appetite for the big day with repeated exposure to extremely brief demos of my anticipated presents from magazine cover discs. (I’ll tell you what, those two-minute demos of sports games always work like a charm – dazzling you with new presentation but never giving you long enough to really get the hang of things, creating the illusion of hidden depths to be unearthed in the full game).

Of course, to enjoy the latest games, you usually need the latest hardware, and on the couple of occasions that my Dad’s latest upgrade of the family PC coincided with Christmas, these were some happy times indeed. 1996 brings back particularly strong and happy memories – playing FIFA ’97 (a terrible game, but boy did it run smoothly) and Red Alert (the daft music, bizarrely, still manages to engender some kind of festive nostalgia), two brand-new releases, with no frame-rate or other compatibility issues whatsoever. (It was especially sweet considering the previous year’s attempts to get three of 1995’s high-spec racers – Need for Speed, Screamer and WipEout to run on a 486, with mixed results).

Part of me still hankers for that feeling. But to complain about the current situation would be ridiculous when there’s such a wide range of games, new and old, available to play with but a few clicks of the mouse – and (during sale season at least) all at fairly silly prices too. (Although this does bring us back to the problem of deciding what on earth to play during your precious few days off…)

Anyway, whatever you happen to be doing over the next few days, have fun, and all the best for Christmas and the New Year. We’re hopeful of some new content before 2011’s up, and I’ll return here soon to have a quick look back over the year.

Have a good one!

I very rarely play new games. This isn’t just because I’m a retro fan, it’s also because I’m cheap. So my version of “latest games” is “couple year old games on sale on Steam”.

What I’m currently working on is: Batman Arkham Asylum. Which I recall receiving huge amounts of gamer praise and critical acclaim (and then again with the sequel, of course). I’m about halfway in myself and, so far I reckon it does actually live up to the hype. It is all-round a very well-crafted game.

(also, an old school buddy of Rik and myself worked on it! He’s a super-smart guy so I’m seriously pleased he made it to working on stuff that’s both big-name and top quality).

First up of course is taking down punks and crooks, and there’s plenty of variety. First is the wade-in-and-start punching approach, with added combo-takedowns and dodges. Fast, fluid, and especially satisfying as Bats does a block then jams his elbow in someone’s throat, then spins round and kicks their buddy in the head. It’s actually all quite simple with only a handful of commands, which might be a weakness to some more elite players but it suits me. I’ve no interest in learning a dozen button-combinations for special moves.

I like the stealthy stuff even more though. Glide-kick down, ground takedown and zoom off again. Or hide under the floor gratings. Or leave a trap with explodey gel. A great little feature that adds to the experience is how the mooks go from confident to worried to panicky as you pick them off, one by one.

Also liking: the freedom of movement around the island as you search for various riddler trophies and puzzles.

Regarding art and design themes, I’m not much of an expert on Batman (more a Marvel fan) but it does look like a decent blend of comic-book styles, a bit of Nolan-film realism and a bit of Burton gothicness to the asylum itself. Plenty of creepy and atmospheric bits, and also great views of the grimness of Arkham if you grapple up to the top of a tower.

So, I imagine Arkham City is even bigger and better (and I’m sure I’ll enjoy that one in turn, when I get it on sale in 2013), but this was still £10 well spent.

Oh, I’ll just bitch about one minor detail: the only controller it will support is an Xbox360 pad. Which strikes me as lazy porting. Still quite playable with kb+mouse.