Written by: Rik
Date posted: March 29, 2009
Okay, so here are some more things I didn’t like about the game that I can tell you about here without possibly spoiling what little enjoyment there is to be gleaned from it by mentioning bits from the story in the main review. As you’re here, I’m assuming you don’t care about this or haven’t read the notice about big spoilers – this is your last chance to get out.
1: The intro is terrible. Some badly-animated men meet at a bar, but they’re disturbed by two other men and then there’s some kind of chase. There’s no narrative text or dialogue, we’re just expected to observe what happens and figure it out, perhaps even enjoy it. Which might have worked if the graphics and animation weren’t so crappy. But they are.
2: This is Barry, he works at the police station. He has nothing to say for himself.
3: And this is Larry, who works at the jail. He’s Barry’s twin brother – what a hilarious gag that’s never been used before in an adventure game. He also has nothing to say for himself.
4: Your chief doesn’t even know that you shouldn’t use an apostrophe there. “NO DIRTY HARRY’S!!” is grammatically incorrect.
5: Here’s a young lady who works at City Hall. Do you flirt with her? Yes. Do you get anywhere? No.
6: You save this woman’s life and, later, retrieve her son’s lost baseball card. She agrees to come round for dinner. Do you get anywhere? No. It’s probably because you live with your grandma.
7: This one speaks for itself really.
8: At home, you dress a bit like a child molester.
9: The flashback to your parents’ death is so badly done it reduces a harrowing childhood experience to something so laughable I don’t even feel bad about mocking it. Get a load of this killer.
10: There’s mild controversy in that the DA is involved. Do we meet or come across the DA at all during the rest of the game? Well no, not really. He’s just there at the end. He did bad, and so did the guy with the long hair. And now you got ’em, Jake. Now you got ’em.
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