Currently playing: FIFA 14

I’m not sure if it’s my inability to get on with the 360 pad, my sloth-like reflexes and arthritic fingers, or just the fact that I haven’t practised enough, but I’m finding the latest FIFA fairly hard going. I’ll reserve judgement on the main game for now, but in terms of presentation, part of the draw of FIFA is that it has all the licenses and money behind it to deliver an authentic experience, as opposed to the enjoyable but intermittently ludicrous alternative reality offered by the older PES titles.

It seems to me that the more EA strive for perfection, the more it jars when they miss the mark. The decision, for example, to have Alan McInally interrupt your game with updates from other matches initially seems an impressive touch, but it soon becomes tiresome as you realise a) his performance isn’t that convincing; b) these updates repeat themselves very quickly; and c) you actually don’t care about what’s happening in the other matches. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard Martin “Puma World Football ’98” Tyler refer to a player as ‘this lad’ in real life, which he does repeatedly here.

Most crucially, though, the feeling persists that, for all the real names and photos, you’re never quite immersed in another world of football in the same way you are with, say, the Championship Manager/Football Manager series. I mean, they’ve improved things quite a bit since the screen below made me despair, but it still sort of sums up my feelings on what they’re getting wrong:

Fan imagines Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a LucasArts-era adventure game

Some artwork of scenes from TV series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, drawn in the style of a classic Lucasarts adventure.

For a 30-something nerd and Joss Whedon fan like myself it’s a perfect combination of two different sources of 90s nostalgia. If such a game was to actually exist I’d be reaching for my wallet in microseconds.

I’ve never talked much about flight sims as frankly I’m pretty bad at them, and aren’t really qualified to offer much commentary, beyond subjective experience. One I did play a bit though, back in my childhood, was F-117A from Microprose. which puts you in command of the USAF’s stealth fighter. Rather than flashy Top-Gun style heroics, this is aerial warfare of a slower, more cautious nature. It’s your job to evade radar, sneak past enemy fighters, then drop lots of heavy ordnance on some bridge in Libya.

he gives a thumbs up but that was the wrong bridge, you muppet

Back in those days, Microprose were well known for this sort of military simulator. I don’t know what hardcore sim fans would make of features like the flight modelling and controls nowadays, and I’m sure the genre has advanced, but I think it was deemed pretty realistic back in 1991. Myself, I thought it managed a decent balance between being accessible and feeling reasonably challenging and authentic. Or to put it another way, I completed several successful strike missions without turning my hundred-million-dollar warplane into a flaming wreck, but I soon decided that manual landings were too much hard work.

It was also kind of atmospheric, cruising over the desert under under sunset skies in my alien-looking black jet. One key part of your interface is a little gauge showing how visible you currently are, and how close enemy radar is to picking you out; if I recall correctly this would depend on what maneuvers you were pulling, how high you were going, whether or not the weapons bays were open and so on. That created quite a sense of tension, as I picked my way through threats such as SAM launchers, watching the detection indicator creep upwards. Change course and risk blundering near another enemy, or risk it and plough on ahead?

For those of you who might this appealing, gog.com have now added F117 to their lineup. I hope in time they bring us some more of the old Microprose sims; I’d particularly like to see Gunship 2000.

And now, some fun stealth fighter related facts!

1: This game is Stealth Fighter 2.0. The first game was based on the F19, which apparently only existed in rumours and Tom Clancy novels.
2: The weird shape of the aircraft is to help deflect radar signals. Futuristic as it looks, the US Air Force actually retired the F117 six years ago.
3: The real F117 has no air-to-air capability, so I have no idea why it has the F-for-Fighter designation. So while it’s great for really dedicated stealth fans, the airborne version of Thief players, it’s perhaps a little limiting for everyone else. So Microprose offer you the choice of the real jet, or their own version which has a cannon and anti-air missiles, at the cost of being a bit less stealthy.

Hello there.

Continuing a series which we like to call “Old racing games that Rik will write lots of words about but ultimately give either a score of 5 or 6 to” [We told you to change the name – FFG Board] we have a review of a game called Juiced.

Yesterday the extended Support Phase of windows XP ended. That was the last stage in its official life cycle, where users were getting security updates but not a lot else. So as far as Microsoft is concerned, that’s all folks, XP is now finished. Unless you pay them anyway, apparently our government is shelling out £5.5mil to keep it going a little while longer.

It’s the end of an era, then. Or at least a formal end, even if a majority of users had already moved on to new systems. I’m not enough of a tech expert to say on how great an OS XP was, other than to comment that it always seemed pretty stable and user-friendly, and it served us well for many years. Certainly, it dominated the 00’s. Lots of us kept using it past the release of the widely disliked Vista, until microsoft got back on form with Win 7. Rik in fact kept true to his promise to stick with XP until the bitter end, and has only now upgraded.

Anyway I thought this would be a good moment to revisit our how to run old games piece, where we list the various options open to retro gamers on modern Windows PCs. When we wrote it, we both had XP in mind when we said “modern windows”, and now of course there have been three major new iterations of the OS. (four if you count 8.1 as a major iteration).

Fortunately, the general picture hasn’t changed a lot. Generally, your solution for running MS-DOS games is the emulator DOSBox. In years past that had speed issues with more demanding titles from late in the DOS days (such as first person shooters) but on a modern PC you should get a decent framerate.

For old adventures like Monkey Island, you have a choice of ScummVM, written specifically for such games, or sticking with DOSBox. I generally prefer the former since it’s a bit more user friendly, with a built in GUI, but these days it’s largely a matter of personal preference.

Stuff from the windows 95 days may become increasingly problematic, especially if you’re using a 64-bit system which will not run 16-bit software. We don’t yet have an equivalent to Dosbox for this generation, and I think Rik’s answer was to resort to keeping an old beige win98 box lurking around. You could try virtualisation software if you’re feeling really dedicated although you’ll need your own copy of Win 95 or 98, and I don’t know if it’s fast enough for gaming purposes.

What is worth remarking on though, is that since we first wrote that piece, GoG.com have steadily expanded their range and become one of our favourite sources of classic games. Anything you buy there should be ready to run on a modern PC, either bundled with dosbox or patched up, with a minimum of tinkering. Same goes for oldies found on Steam.

If you’re a windows user reading this, odds are you’re on Win 7. I’ve yet to encounter any issues with Windows 8 that didn’t already exist with 7, but if I learn a game we wrote about is newly broken I’ll update the relevant article. If you’re a Linux user you’re on your own, and are probably enough of a tech-head to sort it out for yourself!

Hi there.

Some more racing action for you today – from me, with love. It’s an arcade racer from the mid-90s called Screamer.

Currently playing Papers Please, an indie game that puts you in the seat of a border inspector in a fictional communist nation in 1982. Your job is to read through the documents of every person attempting entry, and only let them through if everything appears to be in order. So that means checking a bunch of factors like, do they match their passport photo, is the issuing city valid, is their work permit is still valid, is the passport number written on the permit correct, and so on.

Jorji keeps showing up without valid documents but is very cheerful and persistent. He’s pretty much the nearest thing to light relief here.

Every entrant correctly processed gives you 5 credits towards your pay. For each one you get wrong (declining a valid application, or allowing a false one) a citation is issued, and the more of these you get in a day, the heftier a fine you have to pay. There’s also a time limit for each day, so you can’t dawdle when looking through the papers. You have to work through them as quickly and accurately as possible. (note, the game instantly tells you if you processed an entrant wrongly, which is rather implausible, but I think a merciful feature. It would be pretty harsh if you didn’t know how well the day was going until afterwards). At the end of every day you have bills to pay, rent, food and heat. Too many screwups mean your funds fall short and you have to start choosing between these, and your family will start becoming ill. If they all die, game over.

At first your job isn’t too difficult, but as the game draws on the entry rules change every day, and become progressively more complicated. Foreign workers start needing work passes as well as permits. Entrants from certain countries have to be searched. All entrants require valid polio vaccines. It means more pieces of paper to look through, and more time spent on functions like taking photographs. You really start to feel the pressure after a while. If you take too long you lose money, but if you start making mistakes in your hurry to get applicants through, you also lose money.

Most applicants appear to be randomly generated, but there are a few scripted persons along the way with unusual circumstances. A man shows up who’s papers are in order, but when his wife follows she’s missing something. Do you have a heart and wave her through, and accept a penalty? Easy if you’re having a good day and can take the hit, harder if you’ve already had several citations hanging over you. Then, later on, there’s the matter of a rebel movement, and a choice as to whether or not you want to help them out…

It’s a great insight into the life of a in a stressful, demanding job amidst a nightmare of bureaucracy, with little margin for error. When you get the chance to help someone, or strike back at an authoritarian regime, do you take it, or is your priority to just try and keep your family fed and safe? Between the pressure and daily grind of flicking through a bunch of work permits, it’s all a bit grim and I’m living in dread of the clatter of the printer spitting out a citation. Then again little moments of kindness or seeing your savings in decent shape, after a day of successful and smooth processing, lift the spirits. Really apart from the challenge of the job of border guard (something pretty unconventional om gaming), this game is worth playing for the themes it explores. You’re prompted to reflect on what life might have been like for those living under an oppressive, authoritarian regime. It also illustrates how being good and being lawful can sometimes clash – should an individual follow their conscience, or uphold the stability of society?

I should also mention, since we are meant to be primarily an Olde Games site, the visuals are very 1989 EGA in style. The stark greys suit the east-European communism theme perfectly. And the whole game fits into 40MB, which by modern standards is basically nothing.

Currently playing: L.A. Noire.

For various reasons I’m now on my third runthrough of the early missions without having made it that far into the game. It’s not without problems, but I definitely like it so far, although I’ll reserve final judgement for when I get to the end – I’m not sure where the story’s going or what it’s trying to do at the moment, but I’m hoping all will become clearer as I get into the second half of the game.

For now though, all I can say for certain is that it features a great example of your classic “angry drill sergeant” [Obvious warning: some swearing is involved here]:

Hi there.

We make a belated (and non-sequential) return to the Driver series tonight, with a look at the fourth game in the series, Driver: Parallel Lines.

I’ve been meaning to play Dishonored for a while now. It was a significant release for me, as it can be seen as a spiritual cousin of Thief and Deus ex, two of the greatest games in PC history. It draws on Thief’s stealth and exploration, and from Ion Storm’s classic it takes the flexible gameplay, giving your character multiple ways to solve problems.

I’m only on about the fifth level so far, so am just putting down some thoughts. The game casts you as Corvo – former devoted bodyguard of the empress of the isles, framed for her murder by traitors. A loyalist movement breaks you out of prison, an encounter with a mysterious being called the Outsider sets you up with magical powers, and you’re all set to take your revenge.

The missions all take place in Dunwall, capital of the isles. It has a Victorian, industrial style to it, embellished with leaps of technology such as lightning-based security systems and stilt-walking powered armour suits, that give it a bit of a steampunk feel. There’s also, behind the scenes, an undercurrent of dark sorcery. The city streets are dank and rat-infested, whilst the wealthy live safe behind their walls and guards, in opulent mansions. Up close it’s ugly and dangerous, but still somehow impressive when you look out across the water, at sunset, at clock towers, factories and red-brick warehouses. So all suitably atmospheric, then. It’s reminiscent of the city from the Thief series, especially the more industrialised version we saw in Thief 2.

Your main goal on each map is to dispose of some key figure in the rebellion – either just kill them, or find some other way to effectively remove them from the city. There are also secondary goals along the way, and also you’re on the lookout for loot – magical powerups and gold with which to buy ammo and upgrades. So there is a bit of thieving on offer here alongside Corvo’s vendetta, although unlike Thief it’s not a specific mission goal.

Maps aren’t quite as big and open as I remember Thief reaching – and levels tend to be divided into at least 3 separate maps. Still, you have a decent sense of freedom in your actions. The main route to a goal, for example, might be a street with heavy patrols and lightning-gates that zap unauthorised passers. So if you’re not feeling brave you can search for another route – over rooftopss, through nearby alleys and half-ruined buildings, or through tunnels. You might find the fuel source, to deactivate the gate. Or you might possess a guard’s body and just walk through it.

There’s also plenty of loot to be found scattered about off the streets in apartments, secret dens, sewers and offices. So it pays to explore thoroughly – investigate every door and alley but also, importantly, look up for balconies, ledges and ducts to climb on. They often lead somewhere interesting or useful, or just give you a means to avoid confrontation with guards.

You have the option of being a murder-machine or captain sneaky as you go about your objectives. In Thief the nonlethal approach was just for challenge and bragging rights, and in Deus Ex it affected your relations with NPCs a bit. But here killing contributes to the Chaos Level, which apparently makes the city a more dangerous places, guards more twitchy and so on. I’m sticking thoroughly to nonlethal so there are a few parts of the game I can’t really comment on like, the swordfighting system. I can say, though, that sleep darts are my best friend.

Sneaking does take a little getting used to as, compared to Thief, the importance of staying in shadows is reduced. It only really matters at a distance and, up close, you need to stay out of enemy line of sight. I can kind of see why this approach has been taken. I remember guards in Thief looking right in my direction, 10 feet away, and being utterly oblivious in room that was gloomily lit but not pitch black. Which was fun but not really plausible.

The magical abilities add greatly to the experience – a set of shadowy powers specially suited to a thief or assassin. Blink is especially useful – sort of a short range teleport. It can’t take you through walls but it does let you flick from one spot of cover to another, reach places outside of jumping range, or position yourself behind baddies. Possession meanwhile lets you be a rat to get into inaccessible locations, or take over a person to human nonchalantly past their comrades.

In fact dealing with regular human guards soon becomes pretty simple, and you can revel in basically being a superhero. Or supervillain or in my case, super-jerk. I’m wooshing around knocking them senseless, freezing time and dispatching them with impunity. Then piling their (unconscious) bodies in together in a bathroom in an compromising manner (snicker). I wish I could see them explain the manpile to their superiors in the morning. I am aware though that tougher foes show up later to bring balance – the crazy stilt-walker guys and assassins with powers that match your own.

Small gripe – a bunch of weapons and powers aren’t all that useful if you’re trying to be nonlethal. They’re basically relegated to animal-killing duties. (Beasts don’t count towards the chaos count. I must admit to putting a crossbow bolt in every wolfhound I see). Oh and also the default controls have the left and right mouse buttons control weapons in your right and left hands respectively, so I basically spent a mission repeatedly bashing my dagger into railings instead of blinking. (CLANG)

So far then, so good; it masterfully accomplishes everything I was expecting from a game of this sort. My praise might be a bit premature, but I think it would have to go badly astray in the second half for me to change my mind. It’s worthy to be held up as a follower of those two old classics anyway, and honestly a superior game to some of their own sequels.

(which reminds me, Thief 4 is out. Expect some commentary in, oh, 2016).